Book
My greatest desire for this book is to be intimately genuine and honest. So, It’s helpful that each chapter starts with a story that tells you what I went through and what inspired the life lessons I share afterward. I also share other stories throughout each chapter to support the various ideas that I present. So often there are teachings that stand on their own without really giving the reader the chance to learn about where the advice came from; what journeys lead to the wisdom being shared and who the person is that is sharing them. My stories are the substance that brings context to the lessons, which are the structures designed to help guide you toward your own self-education. I am grateful for the direction my life has taken and the people who helped me become who I am, especially when I had nothing but doubt and fear in my heart about myself and my dreams. These stories are more about celebrating the people who helped form and support me so I can encourage you to always remain open to the special tribe of people that can help you succeed.
However, I do need to preface this story, and all of my stories, with an encouragement for you to have an open mind. You see, so many of us have been conditioned to believe the least of ourselves. Not to think highly of ourselves or celebrate any accomplishments we may have achieved. Self-deprecation is celebrated as being genuinely humble and even noble. On the other hand, self- aggrandizement is looked down upon, and rightly so, as being selfish, self-centered and “holier than thou”. But what many fail to realize is that both self-deprecation and self-aggrandizement are two sides of the same wooden coin. They are both warped senses of one’s self. So, neither of them are helpful.
There is another option, but it is usually lumped together with self-aggrandizement by those who drank the proverbial “cool-aid” of celebrating self-deprecation. Self-confidence is the option where we can actually thrive in our day-to-day living. When someone shows love and appreciation for themselves, it is surely frowned upon, not because it is wrong, but because of how we have been trained to think about ourselves. How many times have you seen a confident child with beautiful dreams and a belief in themselves be gradually deprecated and eventually become convinced that they aren’t the wonderful creature they believe they are? How much can you relate to that question yourself?
One of my favorite stories is of a little girl who was drawing a picture of someone. Her teacher asked, “Who is that you are drawing?”, “God.” said the little girl with absolute conviction. The teacher giggled and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat the little girl said, “They will when I’m done.” But there is another similar story that I am not very fond of. Another little girl was coloring in a drawing of a tree. She was using blues and reds and yellows among the many colors with which she chose to represent her tree. Being an avid tree climber, she saw these colors in the trees due to the intimate way she engaged with the trees she climbed. When her art teacher went to see the girl’s artwork, the teacher said in a harsh tone, “What are you doing? Trees don’t have blues and reds or all those other colors you’re using in them. Here! Use this to color in your tree.” The teacher handed the child a single brown crayon. And, being a child who was taught to obey without question, she sadly started over and colored the tree in brown.
That last story, though somewhat subtle, speaks volumes about how so many of us are convinced from so many different sources, that we should not think of ourselves as anything but average and to not reach for our “silly” dreams. The problem is that, although many of us may have experienced a little bit of the first story, our lives are overflowing with various version of the latter story even well into adulthood. Some of those stories are far more tragic than what the second girl experienced. And this becomes the social norm that creates a forgery of comfort for those who are steeped in this way of conforming.
There is a tremendous difference between arrogance and confidence. Arrogance is something all too easy to experience and it is usually revealing the opposite of how the person showing it really feels about themselves. We will explore the process toward gaining confidence later in this chapter. But I felt it was necessary to preface my stories, and the ideas shared in this book, with these words so that this can all be seen in the proper light. It took me many years to learn that to acknowledge my achievements is a way of showing appreciation for them. It also allows me to celebrate the people who have helped me to attain the progresses I’ve made in life. But, ultimately, sharing any stories about succeeding in life is always a celebration of humanity as a whole. The hope is that for those who hear and read the stories can know that they, too, can succeed at the dreams that they discover within themselves and that we really are all in this together.
With that, I can now share the first of many stories that lead to my own personal, Qreative Evolution.
